Another Twinkle In My Eye

I had a frightening beginning with this one. Registering only 2.2kg on the weighing scale, she had me going through mixed emotions from DAY ONE. But thank God, whilst she was born small - that's all; nothing more and nothing less.

However, our journey together has just begun and I pray with all my heart and it'll be one of laughter and joy with a sprinkling of tears to keep life interesting (as it should be).

Welcome home, Raneesha...

Date of birth : August 8, 2008
Day of birth : Friday
Time of birth : 8:08am
Place of birth : Seremban Specialist Center, Negeri Sembilan
Apgar Score : 9/10
Weight at birth:2.2kg

In Memory Of A Loved One

"Ignorance = Fear, Silence = Death," 1989
Keith Haring
poster for Act Up, 24" x 43"
Courtesy of the Estate of Keith Haring

I lost someone very dear in October 2007 to HIV. Whilst it was difficult to let her go, we let her go, nevertheless, since it was so much more difficult for us to see her battle with life, everyday. There has never been a day my life since (and I'm sure of those she held close and dear) that I have not thought of her.

This person, my cousin, was so full of life. She was just like you and I - similarities which you will come to see and wholeheartedly acknowledge as and when you get to know people who are positive.

When she tied the knot with her sweetheart, would she have known that he would pass on to her one of the world's most deadly virus? When she held her son in her arms on the day she gave birth to him, would she have thought that she would never live to see him into adulthood? Most importantly, when she was just beginning to embrace life and all that it has to offer to her (as it is offering to you and I now) would she have thought that she would never live beyond her 30's?

So much has been written and advocated about HIV. Yet, so few of us (me included) are driven to champion the rights of our positive friends and family members. In fact, so few of us are willing to talk about HIV. Why? The answer lies in the fact that HIV is a lifestyle "acquired" disease - a "friendly" virus that does not discriminate. And that fact alone is enough to make us turn and walk away.

Don't. We have a long, long way to go in life, God willing. And for most of us, a loved one or two or three and more, will be walking alongside us. We have no choice but to make the world we live in, if not the world of others, a safe place to reside.

Read all you can about HIV. Embrace ways and methods of safe living, giving and sharing and discard all prejudices. And most importantly, share your knowledge with family members, friends and acquaintances who are willing to listen. You might just save a life.

Excuse me, can I stop to smell the roses?

New beginnings are wonderful, aren't they? But the euphoria never lasts. People, situations, achievements, even failures become jaded with time. And sadly, we lose enthusiasm to continuously embrace the little joys in life. Even when we do stop to smell the roses, we know we have to get down to the "real" stuff sooner or later.

Why can't we just drift? Irrespective of whether our "drifting" has a purpose or none at all, is it wrong to seek contentment in NOT doing anything at all? Why are we measured by how productive our day has been - in fact, on how much we are currently earning and what's the title on our business card? Why do we shamelessly launch into what we have achieved professionally when asked "how we are" ? Is this it - ARE OUR WORTH MEASURED BY OUR WORK?

Occasionally, I don't feel like working. I don't allow the creative juices to flow simply because I want to take a break from writing what I have to write rather than write what I want to write. Whilst I love what I do, I don't jump with joy having to hard sell the products I represent. Writing, to me, is the works of a mind on a wonderful drifting trip - with no particular place to go and nothing in particular to achieve.

Like now...this very moment as I'm putting my thoughts into words, my mind is focused on being on a gently swaying hammock amidst a beautiful paddy field on a sunny and breezy Malaysian evening...doing absolutely NOTHING at all!

But what if I'm too late and the rose has withered and gone?

Pineapple Fried Rice or Lobster Wanton Noodles?

If only making life choices are that simple;

If only life can be made simple by limiting our choices;
If only...

I realize that it's not fear that makes making choices difficult. On the contrary, we fear we are not good enough to make the choices we truly desire.

I've always wanted to be a newscaster...why am I not? Simple - I never thought I was good enough. Now that I'm ready to flash my smile on the silver screen, I'm thinking maybe my moments of glory have come and gone?

Fear rears its ugly head once again.

I am GOD

I never thought I was capable of doing anything "right". I'm no Daphne Iking nor are my professional qualifications any better than the person sitting closest to me (anytime, anywhere). In fact, I'm constantly humbled by my mediocrity.

But, I'm noticing that when it comes to my daughter, I'm sexier than Gisele Bundchen, smarter than Einstein, more compassionate than Oprah, and wittier than Seinfield!

Every night when she falls into my lap and looks up at me for affection, I become SOMEONE - in fact, I'm instantaneously GOD. Now, isn't that the best thing?

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason”

Jerry Seinfeld

Walk With Me (by Munda)

Walk with me, the path of life,
to explore every bend of the road
Enjoy with me the beauty of life,
along its wonderful way

Find comfort with me, in each other's arms,
when grief crosses our path
Find strength with me, in each other's strength,
when despair lies in wait

Laugh with me, a single true laugh,
to enlighten another's distress
Cry with me, a single true tear,
to understand true happiness

Cherish with me, the wonders of life,
as they need to be preserved
Rejoice with me, in the mysteries,
of what is yet to be

Find peace with me, in each other's souls,
when the world has gone insane
Find love with me, in each other's hearts,
until this life has been fulfilled

And when the path comes to an end
I hope we can say from within
We've known the beauty of true love,
our love came from within

Starting Anew

As I look back on my life, I realize that I've always yearned to be more of what I am. I've always wished for a nicer, faster car; a bigger home within a more exclusive address; a fatter paycheck; etc, etc, etc. I've also wished for more laughters than tears; better health than woes; more good times than bad. I'M ALWAYS WISHING FOR SOMETHING!

I never seem to be contented with what I have - personally nor professionally. Is that wrong or right? I'm truly at a dilemma.

If we stop wishing for better things, will we stop trying to better ourselves? If we continue wishing for better things, will we end up being on the brink of exhaustion? Is today's "enough" sufficient for tomorrow? Or do we simply have to live for "now"?

It's 5:00pm now. Tomorrow, will also be "now" and when we part ways, it will be "now" as well.

Sigh...I wish I knew the answer to my question.